Taxi drivers in Brussels

If you ever have to take a taxi in Brussels - be warned. I remember having a conversation with a London Black Cab Cabbie, who claimed they were more vetted than the police and whether I wanted to this or that route, giving me both pros and cons. Wow.

Here : they dont really take you from A-B on the shortest possible route. More on the easiest (lucrative?) for them. And they seem to be deaf. No offence to deaf people BTW. Due to the broken leg, I take quite a few taxis these days (the opponents accident insurance has to pay you see....). Yesterday I tell him : please take this street, then up that street an so on - you get the picture. Guys nods -OK...and turns left. Totally different way and whilst we're at it burn a red traffic light. Intentionally.

Otherwise as a tourist - hmm. Just forgive them. Most are honest people unless its at night, you're drunk and fall out of a pub. They will take you to your destination, but most certainly not on the best route. I once had to endure a 5km detour, where the driver claimed this was the shortest route. Right - its like saying that from London to Brussels you have to go via Paris as the shortest way.

Another example was  my dear cabbie today. Kept complaining how a Mafia keeps controlling the juicy rides from the Hotels to (say) the airport and how he complained to basically everyone in Brussels about this. So you might think that he is an honest soul. False ! Changed from tariff 1 to tariff 2 7 km sooner than he was supposed to do so. Meaning 10 extra € for the fare. Now I really dont care about the money, as I dont have to pay for it. Some insurance company does. But it is still dishonest.

Life with a broken leg

Life with a broken leg in a cast stinks. You might think that its fairly easy....

Not.Even.Close.

Your life is not the same. 

To begin with - the human body was not built to walk on crutches. Not your arms, not your shoulders, not your hands not the rest of the body for that matter. You might say, that this is a brilliant workout. It is - trust me. But unlike an elective workout at the gym, here you don't stop. Or at least do not have the leisure to stop. Because you still have to soldier on. Whether you like it or you don't.

So what can you do with a cast and crutches. Learn how to swear. A lot.

You would think that with all the genius in the world and the resourcefulness of SME, one might have come up with a decent pair of crutches. They have not. They do not stand up on their own, you lean them against something and they will fall down. Why doesn't anyone coat them with some sort of a silicon based coating, instead of just slippery aluminium. Or come up with a method on how to stick them together. Because, as I now know - you stand up better on two legs than on one.

So the crutches will inevitably fall over. Get over it.

Climbing stairs
Climbing stairs with a cast and crutches is quite demanding as well. Let me put t this way : after eight weeks you will single handedly win ANY one legged Jack Bunny hopping contest. If you want to climb stairs, the best way is :

• Hold the crutch with the same arm as your broken leg
• Put the (one) crutch on the stair you are standing on with the good leg
• Angle your broken leg backwards
• If possible hold onto the bannister with the other arm
• Push down with your arm on the crutch and jump up one step
• Repeat at will

Getting down the stairs
Nice one too. But less complicated than climbing the stairs. Really ! And the added thrill of maybe falling down the stairs...
But seriously

• Hold the crutch with the same arm as your broken leg
  
• Put the (one) crutch on the stair just below the one you are standing on with the good leg
• Angle your broken leg backwards
• If possible hold onto the bannister with the other arm
  
• Push down with your arm on the crutch and jump down one step
• Repeat at will
• Gravity will ensure your way down is actually less exhausting than the way up

Have a tolerant partner or move in with a friend
You will need a tolerant and helpful partner, friend or significant other. Don't think you will make it on your own. You might - but it will be a nightmare. After this is over, you might want to treat your partner to something nice.
You will not be able to do most things you were/are used to. Cooking in the flamingo position is not funny, neither is doing most household things for that matter

Get a cleaner
Even if you think that getting a cleaner is a modern form of slavery - get one. Or clean your place once the cast if off. Because you are not going to be pulling a hoover or mopping the floor any time soon. While you are at it - if you do not get a cleaner, get an ample supply of clean clothes or a fidelity card for your local service washing laundrette. See as well the point Rucksack below.

Get a rucksack
When walking with crutches, you can not transport anything. Unless you are carrying stuff between your teeth, just like a dog carries a bone. Works for the printer and the copy machine though. And magazines at home. For the rest you will need a rucksack. Your gear nicely tugged away on your back will mean that you can actually carry something without being too dependant on others. But beware - a can of soda in your rucksack is a bad idea. Stick to non fizzy drinks.

In the office
Have tolerant colleagues. Going to the watercooler or the coffee machine and hopping to make it back to your desk with the drink is an illusion. You will need colleagues to help you.

Shoe and sock (singular intended)
Wear a comfy shoe. Wear running shoes or other shoes with a sole that has grip. Lots of it, as you might need it. Do not wear shoes with a leather sole, as this does not provide much grip. On the contrary - you might slip and damage your other leg. And as having one leg in a cast is not my idea of fun, having two in a cast must be my idea of hell. For the other foot, I strongly recommend a sock over the tip. Your foot will be nice and warm at all times and let's face it- most toes are just plain ugly. Mine are at least.

Distances you can cover with crutches
This largely depends on your personal state of fitness and if you can put weight on the leg. In my case (unfit and no weight permitted on the leg for six weeks) 150 m and I was out for the count. You burn three times (code 17140) as many calories walking on crutches than you do without. But say you have to do a kilometer between your office and the train station, I am afraid you will have to get a wheelchair. I guess this will become easier once you can put some weight on the broken leg. Even 20kg mean that the rest of the body has to substantially support less weight. And the ligaments in your arms and hands are not build to withstand this weight for prolonged periods. If they do, you sprain them and the pain will become even worse. You have been warned.

Accessories for the crutches
One very useful item when walking on crutches are gloves. The kind of gloves cyclists wear, without fingertips but comfy gel pads on the hands. Not only will you have a better grip on the crutches, but also substantially less pain  and discomfort. For 15€ they were a godsend. Plus they help with the wheelchair as well, as the metal for the propelling can be very very slippery indeed when wet.

Brussels and its police zones

After that beautiful accident, I called the police (obviously). Jayzus - you dont want to be in an emergency there...

After 10 minutes the first squad car drives past. Stops. Cops look interested and helpful. But can not help. Sorry Sir - we would really like to help you - but we can't. We're the federal police (and deal with murders - so your accident...go figure) you need the local police. Fair 'nough. Go catch some crooks then.

Couple of minutes ;ater the next squad car arrives. Windows down. Interested look. But can not help. Sorry Sir - we would really like to help you - but we can't. We're from the police zone Bruxelles Capitale/Ixelles but your accident is actually in Schaerbeek/St Josse. IOW different police zone. Drives off into the sunrise.

A felt eternity later - FINALLY. My squad car arrives to take note of what happened.

Now here is food for thought for efficiency : why can't any policemen from whatever zone they are take your first statement on site and then -but only then- refer you to the concerned police zone for FURTHER processing.

I hate to think what might have happened in a more serious case. But quite frankly - there the organization of the Belgian Police could be optimized, although as individuals they were all very friendly, helpful, empathic and generally concerned. Regardless where they were from. Must not be an easy job I guess. I would be actually quite frustrated in their shoes. I know - because I was.

But my heart reaches out for the boy and girls in blue.

How it all started

I guess the pivotal moment was an accident due to this chap here

In true Brussels style he crashed his crappy car into a traffic island during the night and -as he was either drunk , stoned or both- pushed it to the side. Obviously not caring about the four litres of oil that were spilled out of the guts of his car. Oil that was now on the street. Unknown to the fire brigade or the cops. Ready for the next morning - in a slow right turn.

The next morning

Next morning I arrive, without a care in the world. Happy to be at the office 25 minutes after leaving home. It was a cold(ish) but bright and sunny day. I was supposed to welcome a new team member, who was going to be the Business Object guru for my project. And I was nearly an hour ahead of schedule - as finally our morning routines had kicked in. 25 km/h, mild right turn, 300 m to go to the office

WHOOOOSH.

Why am I lying on the side ? Why did I fall down ? There was no ice! What is that pain ? Why is my right ankle three times its normal size ?

Why are those cars beeping and yelling at me to get out of their way (but more of that later) ?

Because our friend, Mr Twingo, had spilled an oil stain of epic proportions. More of a lake actually.

I let you be the judge of the stain

So off to the hospital I guess.

Brussels fire brigade was great though. Great sense of humour and they even brought the bike to the hospital too. Mind you the hospital was across the road. Nonetheless : 50.75 € for the ambulance.

Diagnosis : broken ankle bone (Weber A with minimal displacement). Cast. Crutches. Six-eight weeks off. Right - just started a new job and in trial period. Just what the doctor ordered.